I'm going to post the series of my work posted on MySpace from the beginning -- looking back, the entire first year + -- of my transformation into a writer. I figure I should consolidate it here for posterity's sake. Because we all know the great and powerful Google will outlive us all. Rest in Zombie-like Stagnation, MySpace.
Sonnet For A Friend (Dec 2006)
Drag me away from this mundane place
I'm ready and willing to go
Without hesitation or reservation
Let's go somewhere neither of us know.
I'm ready and willing to go
Without hesitation or reservation
Let's go somewhere neither of us know.
Let's fly away and get a life
Far, far away from here
All I ask is to be with you
And to follow without your fears.
Far, far away from here
All I ask is to be with you
And to follow without your fears.
I know the first step is a big one
Into the unknown from the lit
But without the first step, there can be no more
It isn't easy, but I promise it's worth it.
Into the unknown from the lit
But without the first step, there can be no more
It isn't easy, but I promise it's worth it.
If I promised to Love you forever and again
Would you see that I mean it, though I am still only a man?
Would you see that I mean it, though I am still only a man?
I May Regress, But Without Regrets (Oct 2006)
Do you miss me?
When you're alone
And I'm alone
Do you start wishing?
Wishing for the impossible?
Finding ways to achieve
A dream that seems
Like it can never be?
Do you even see me?
Standing alone in the rain
Holding up a neon sign way up high
Until you or God see what I'm up to?
When you're alone
And I'm alone
Do you start wishing?
Wishing for the impossible?
Finding ways to achieve
A dream that seems
Like it can never be?
Do you even see me?
Standing alone in the rain
Holding up a neon sign way up high
Until you or God see what I'm up to?
I hope you look first because
I hear God looks down on fools.
Especially fools addicted to things
Like love or dreams that ease the pain
Of existing, and subsisting on those silly things
While not letting the pain heal, or pulling the pain out.
I hear God looks down on fools.
Especially fools addicted to things
Like love or dreams that ease the pain
Of existing, and subsisting on those silly things
While not letting the pain heal, or pulling the pain out.
And so I let the storm rage around me still,
Still holding up the sign in vain, not minding the rain,
Because sooner or later the storm will ease up and you'll see.
Or God will make it easy and let the nature of lightning take it's course,
Finding the most positively charged object and blasting it to hell.
It's a longshot chance, but I've always known the risks.
This time, I'll bet it all on you.
Still holding up the sign in vain, not minding the rain,
Because sooner or later the storm will ease up and you'll see.
Or God will make it easy and let the nature of lightning take it's course,
Finding the most positively charged object and blasting it to hell.
It's a longshot chance, but I've always known the risks.
This time, I'll bet it all on you.
If You Only Knew (Part One) (Sept 2006)
I can't keep staring.
It's making me crazy.
You captivate my heart,
And my eyes are a slave to it.
It's making me crazy.
You captivate my heart,
And my eyes are a slave to it.
But my eyes and my heart
Keep talking to my mind
Speaking insanities, whispering romances,
And, worse, I like what they're saying to me.
Keep talking to my mind
Speaking insanities, whispering romances,
And, worse, I like what they're saying to me.
They tell me you're worth it.
That, no matter how much
I'll cry into my pillow when I get home,
Sharing the time with you now is the reward for the hurt.
That, no matter how much
I'll cry into my pillow when I get home,
Sharing the time with you now is the reward for the hurt.
Or, maybe that is the hurt.
Knowing that, while you look at me,
In that beautiful way only you do,
My heart is here and your heart is somewhere else.
Knowing that, while you look at me,
In that beautiful way only you do,
My heart is here and your heart is somewhere else.
But I'll drown my mind for you.
I'll keep drinking and asphyxiate sleep
Soley to stare into your eyes, Love,
And let your smiling eyes cut into mine again and again.
I'll keep drinking and asphyxiate sleep
Soley to stare into your eyes, Love,
And let your smiling eyes cut into mine again and again.
I do all of that for you.
And I will do it forever if it makes you happy.
Because they tell me that you're worth it.
And that the hurt is only in my mind.
And I will do it forever if it makes you happy.
Because they tell me that you're worth it.
And that the hurt is only in my mind.
So in my mind it will stay
Locked away for you, Love,
So I can see you smile one more time
And one more time after that.
Locked away for you, Love,
So I can see you smile one more time
And one more time after that.
Everyone Has Someone (Sept 2006)
I love my inspiration.
I quantify her, personify her
because she is always leading my path.
I quantify her, personify her
because she is always leading my path.
She has her own pace though.
She doesn't run when I run,
or even walk when I walk.
She doesn't run when I run,
or even walk when I walk.
She just keeps trucking along.
I always know when I find her though.
She seems to find it necessary greet me with a smack to the face.
I always know when I find her though.
She seems to find it necessary greet me with a smack to the face.
And in reply, I stab my pen into a page,
I scratch it over and over, trying to keep up and write.
But as always, I slow down to listen and scribe carefully.
I scratch it over and over, trying to keep up and write.
But as always, I slow down to listen and scribe carefully.
And suddenly I'm museless again,
So I stand again, fold up my pad with pen still open,
And I walk on to chase my dream, my dear muse, til she slaps me again
So I stand again, fold up my pad with pen still open,
And I walk on to chase my dream, my dear muse, til she slaps me again
If You Only Knew (Part Deux) (Oct 2006)
I didn't want to leave you.
We stood there talking
Just you, me, and the starlight.
And I just wanted to be there.
We stood there talking
Just you, me, and the starlight.
And I just wanted to be there.
I refused to look at my watch,
I didn't want to give Time the gratification
Of having power over us.
I didn't want to give Time the gratification
Of having power over us.
Fate and Time, the terrible pair,
Both pushing thier agendas toward
Removing me from you again.
Both pushing thier agendas toward
Removing me from you again.
So we both follow our persuasions.
Fate dragging you one way,
Time wrenching my wrist the other.
Fate dragging you one way,
Time wrenching my wrist the other.
And now, I am trying to call to you.
I have no words, but I cry silently,
Hoping my words reach your heart.
I don't want them to change who you are,
But I want you to know them
In case you feel something too.
I have no words, but I cry silently,
Hoping my words reach your heart.
I don't want them to change who you are,
But I want you to know them
In case you feel something too.
Count Up Til Crash Landing (If You Only Knew [Part Three]) (Oct 2006)
Once again
I find myself floating incorporeally.
Twice recently
I've taken chances and been let down.
Nobody knows because I'm just that quiet.
Three times today
I've wished I could be the one you seek.
But I chastise myself for wanting, wishing,
Because I can't keep on like this.
For the last time
I'm going to look at you like I always do,
And I'm going to hold my hope out in front of your eyes.
But this time, I'm letting it go in plain sight.
So catch it and return it, or let it shatter on the hard floor.
I find myself floating incorporeally.
Twice recently
I've taken chances and been let down.
Nobody knows because I'm just that quiet.
Three times today
I've wished I could be the one you seek.
But I chastise myself for wanting, wishing,
Because I can't keep on like this.
For the last time
I'm going to look at you like I always do,
And I'm going to hold my hope out in front of your eyes.
But this time, I'm letting it go in plain sight.
So catch it and return it, or let it shatter on the hard floor.
You probably forgot what you had for breakfast today, but I bet you can remember where you were 5 years ago... (Sept. 11, 2006)
You know what I'm saying...
You were there with me too...
You were there with me too...
We were early to the airport that day.
We both boarded those planes,
and watched the buildings come closer.
We both boarded those planes,
and watched the buildings come closer.
You and I stood side by side
on that floor where the nose hit,
too disbelieving or scared to dive aside.
on that floor where the nose hit,
too disbelieving or scared to dive aside.
Your cab and my bus stopped moving
When we looked up and saw the fireballs.
And we stared at eachother and cried.
When we looked up and saw the fireballs.
And we stared at eachother and cried.
We made the million stair hike.
All the way to the fire and tried to put it out.
Oxygen and water and prayers pumping up to us.
All the way to the fire and tried to put it out.
Oxygen and water and prayers pumping up to us.
You and I even looked out over our Great City,
getting our heels licked at by heat and smoke.
And we followed the smoke out to the sky, hand in hand...
getting our heels licked at by heat and smoke.
And we followed the smoke out to the sky, hand in hand...
Your microphone and my camera dropped as we looked up again,
watching the sky falling down around us.
And we ran, crying for our respective dieties to save everyone they could.
watching the sky falling down around us.
And we ran, crying for our respective dieties to save everyone they could.
Don't you remember that Tuesday in September?
When a billion other people were just like you and me?
When a billion other people were just like you and me?
Written immediately following the 9/11 poem:
"
A note from your dear Pober Soet, on the above and more:
Now, I might not believe in the historically accepted stories of who purpetrated the attacks on 11 Sept. 2001... In fact, I really don't at all. But beside that, I still feel the same empathy I felt that day. I still remember watching almost 3000 people die in a matter of minutes and being powerless to stop it. And I still want answers on who made it happen and why, and don't believe the public (or most anyone, really) has any real idea of either... Other than it being the work of Evil's very real power on earth.
But until I know more, I'll stick to my pen and keyboard, and make sure my empathy stands as a symbol to those who need one. To those who need to know that someone feels their pain. And I'll do the same thing the steel beam cross that stands at Ground Zero does... point up at our brother Jesus. If you haven't been to NYC to see that, I suggest you take a day or two out of your life and see it.
You may not know, but I really was there. I stood in that courtyard watching a band play on a makeshift stage between the towers and oggling NYC wares in late July/early August 2001. We didn't get to go up on tour the one day we had in the City. It was closed for the day, which still makes me sad because I'll not get that opportunity again... like so many opportunities I've missed since then. When I heard later in September or October the "intelligence" that the attacks had been pushed back several times even over that summer, I have to admit, I knelt in deep gratitude for my own life. It could have been me standing there, deafened by explosions and showered by glass. God did not want me, or my brother, or my parents, or the people around me that day. I'll thank Him forever for that. I went back in the Spring of 2003 with my choir (Musically inKLEINed... oh yeah) and saw what was left. In case you haven't looked in a while, it's a really big hole in the center of Manhattan Island. There's the aformentioned steel beam cross, a little memorial, and a gargantuan hole where I once stood. It's a little humbling, so leave your pride somewhere lest it be shattered when you go. Or maybe I'm the only one who really feels something staring into a void like that. Either way, go visit.
I don't know how many of you have really taken time out to examine those attacks, or the War on Terror, or the South Asian Tsunami, or Katrina and Rita, or the Israel Conflict, or any of the other crazy shiitake mushrooms springing up all over the world lately... but you might ought to take a second and thank someone you are where you are. If you're reading this, you're alive, probably relatively safe, and you've got internet access. Those things alone set you pretty high on the blessed list in this world. Thank your God, your parents, or the scientists that put you in a test tube and sprung you to life for life where you are.
And with that, I toast you, bretheren and sisters of the world!
"
Not All Dreams Are Meant To Come True (Sept 2006)
I dreamed a beautiful dream last night
For the first time in a long time
And for the first time in a longer time
It was about you.
For the first time in a long time
And for the first time in a longer time
It was about you.
I kept seeing somewhere
I'd never been there before
And I kept seeing you
You'd lead me by the hand
And you'd show me things
I'd never seen before
And we walked around
And you made me slow down
Until we saw all there was to see.
Then you threw your arms around my neck
And kissed me like it was the first time
And you kissed me like it was the last time
And you made me wish that this time it was real.
And I kept seeing you
You'd lead me by the hand
And you'd show me things
I'd never seen before
And we walked around
And you made me slow down
Until we saw all there was to see.
Then you threw your arms around my neck
And kissed me like it was the first time
And you kissed me like it was the last time
And you made me wish that this time it was real.
But I woke up.
I'd never have guessed
You'd call before I could
Blink away the dream.
And you'd ask me
To go places I've never been.
And you lead me by the hand
And made me slow down
To see all there was to see.
Then you threw your arms around my neck
And hugged me like the first time.
And you hugged me like the last time.
And I was glad this time was real.
I'd never have guessed
You'd call before I could
Blink away the dream.
And you'd ask me
To go places I've never been.
And you lead me by the hand
And made me slow down
To see all there was to see.
Then you threw your arms around my neck
And hugged me like the first time.
And you hugged me like the last time.
And I was glad this time was real.
Because even the simplest touch from you
Is better than the most vivid dream.
Is better than the most vivid dream.
Self incrimination (Aug 2006)
I looked into my eyes today
And saw through to my core.
It didn't take long...
These x-ray eyes don't fight much with plastic shells.
And saw through to my core.
It didn't take long...
These x-ray eyes don't fight much with plastic shells.
I took a long look anyways
Like a train wreck, I couldn't look away because
My heart was a sunken ship.
It's been moored there on the rocks
for God-knows-how-long,
Half exposed and fully broken.
Like a train wreck, I couldn't look away because
My heart was a sunken ship.
It's been moored there on the rocks
for God-knows-how-long,
Half exposed and fully broken.
I think it might be time to abandon ship...
Though I've been wrong before...
Though I've been wrong before...
Beyond subtle pretense and friendly smiles,
I cannot love You more than You think he did.
It takes two, You know,
Love takes reciprocation,
You know it more than anyone.
I want to love, You want it too,
Maybe we both just love being in love,
And settle for the shadows,
Facing away from the sparks,
Arcing off our bodies as our eyes meet.
Maybe it's all in my head.
Maybe Your smile and my heart are just a dream.
Perhaps. Even so, I am just a dreamer,
And You now tread over my dreams.
Tread softly, darling.
Just because I can
I'm invisable again.
Because my vantage point is better from everywhere.
I know it's juvinile and wastes my time
But it follows the motif of my entire life.
I can't expect myself to change so fast.
I'm invisable again.
Because my vantage point is better from everywhere.
I know it's juvinile and wastes my time
But it follows the motif of my entire life.
I can't expect myself to change so fast.
So I keep going on
With my mortal flesh anchor
As I incorpreally inhabit the space around him.
Debating the inhibitionless state I'll have on my return,
I spark soul shoulders with a kindred spirit...
Suddenly, all I have left is my soul on fire.
With my mortal flesh anchor
As I incorpreally inhabit the space around him.
Debating the inhibitionless state I'll have on my return,
I spark soul shoulders with a kindred spirit...
Suddenly, all I have left is my soul on fire.
I'm burning for a fresh start,
The Phoenix on a funeral pyre,
My ashes catch a strong east wind once again.
From the molten pile stands
A purified soldier of Veritas,
Ready to haul anchor and start the revolution.
The Phoenix on a funeral pyre,
My ashes catch a strong east wind once again.
From the molten pile stands
A purified soldier of Veritas,
Ready to haul anchor and start the revolution.
A Shot in the Dark (Writing to Shadows) (May 2006)
Unrefined (May 2006)
If I'd Asked Her to Stay (Apr 2006)
Angel of my Nightmare (Apr 2006)
Ink to Ashes, Memories to Dust (Apr 2006)
Afterhours' Ruminations (Apr 2006)
Overpowering ruminations are stealing my mind away
I can't seem to shake these feelings
My soul shivers under the constant pressure
Synced with Nothing (Apr 2006)
Rhythm and rhyme take over my mind
Time after time, and I respond in kind.
I let the pen ink leak up and down the page
Until the love they make makes music to my soul.
My soul catches the beat and hums a melody along,
Then my heart wakes up, and puts harmony with the song.
Waves of feeling move my being to become better than before,
And support the crumbling walls around my eon-aged soul
Untitled (Oct/Nov 2005)
Where are you, my long-lost unfound?
I wander with outstretched arms to find you
Groping and missing with every step
Silhouettes and shadows fading past my eyes.
I wander with outstretched arms to find you
Groping and missing with every step
Silhouettes and shadows fading past my eyes.
My mind's eye, only a foggy reflection
Looks on into the uncertianty with hope.
Looks on into the uncertianty with hope.
On fallen angel's wings, I'm carried thus
Into the uncertianty, and fearing further failure.
Into the uncertianty, and fearing further failure.
After trials and vengence, errors and vindication
I'm free again of further fear.
I'm just fighting again for the right to live
I don't particularly care how.
I'm free again of further fear.
I'm just fighting again for the right to live
I don't particularly care how.
Let's burn down the city
And watch the lights from my rooftop
No one understands the beauty of chaos
Like those of us who paint with it
And watch the lights from my rooftop
No one understands the beauty of chaos
Like those of us who paint with it
I want to show you the world
Then, douse it in gasoline
And toss in a lit cigarette...
Show you the way I see that world
Then, douse it in gasoline
And toss in a lit cigarette...
Show you the way I see that world
The structures and confines burning
Melting away to a fresh, maliable landscape.
Readying, once again, to be built upon
With new ideas and stronger convictions
Melting away to a fresh, maliable landscape.
Readying, once again, to be built upon
With new ideas and stronger convictions
Let the damned place get swallowed up
Hide with me, far away from the insanity
Let's burn down the city
And watch the lights from my rooftop
Hide with me, far away from the insanity
Let's burn down the city
And watch the lights from my rooftop
It was the tired stupor I was in,
Honest, inhibition-less, like she so often made me.
I all but told her I loved her.
I bled my heart til sleep stole me away.
We woke to coffee and cider,
And I bled a little more
Because, that's what fools do, you know?
I told her how she enchanted me--
--yes, I said "enchanted", and it was true--
--How she was the most enchanting woman
I had ever known.
I couldn't stop for three hours, just answering
question after question, hand in hand,
Her other hand loving her long drags of smoke.
Honest, inhibition-less, like she so often made me.
I all but told her I loved her.
I bled my heart til sleep stole me away.
We woke to coffee and cider,
And I bled a little more
Because, that's what fools do, you know?
I told her how she enchanted me--
--yes, I said "enchanted", and it was true--
--How she was the most enchanting woman
I had ever known.
I couldn't stop for three hours, just answering
question after question, hand in hand,
Her other hand loving her long drags of smoke.
She almost left me with that, with the
knowledge of my heart, and that being that,
But after staring for an eternity, she decided,
She slammed into me like a brick to my chest,
Knocked the wind out of me, and kept a hold of it for a while.
Two hours later, she was on a plane, on her way,
Out of my life again. Not that I regret it,
But I miss what might have been...
knowledge of my heart, and that being that,
But after staring for an eternity, she decided,
She slammed into me like a brick to my chest,
Knocked the wind out of me, and kept a hold of it for a while.
Two hours later, she was on a plane, on her way,
Out of my life again. Not that I regret it,
But I miss what might have been...
I cradle her in my arms
Once again for the last time.
A self imposed temptation,
A repetitious torture.
Once again for the last time.
A self imposed temptation,
A repetitious torture.
A sadistic corner of my psyche
Enjoys the constant temptation.
Beating at my mind,
Daring me to indulge.
Enjoys the constant temptation.
Beating at my mind,
Daring me to indulge.
But I speak my harmless words,
I hug my friendly hugs,
I breathe in her scent
And stare into her eyes
And tell my harmless lies.
I hug my friendly hugs,
I breathe in her scent
And stare into her eyes
And tell my harmless lies.
I'd dare not tell her the truth
That I die a little inside every time that voice,
That voice that isn't mine, tells her
"I love you," with her soft, reciprocated reply.
That I die a little inside every time that voice,
That voice that isn't mine, tells her
"I love you," with her soft, reciprocated reply.
My soul dies slowly
A thousand lacerations
From head to toe
Criss-cross across
My ethereal skin, it
Doesn't hurt, doesn't bleed
But
A new infection every second
steals a little more of me.
Soon I'll be little more than shadow,
A memory and a shell.
The man I was burned to ash;
That dust now infects you.
Your ears, your eyes, your soul...
And when your soul turns to ash
A little bit of me burns too.
Do as those before you,
Blow your dust across a page
And see how the stains read.
A thousand lacerations
From head to toe
Criss-cross across
My ethereal skin, it
Doesn't hurt, doesn't bleed
But
A new infection every second
steals a little more of me.
Soon I'll be little more than shadow,
A memory and a shell.
The man I was burned to ash;
That dust now infects you.
Your ears, your eyes, your soul...
And when your soul turns to ash
A little bit of me burns too.
Do as those before you,
Blow your dust across a page
And see how the stains read.
I can't seem to shake these feelings
My soul shivers under the constant pressure
I look around the room, as if something's amiss.
Nothing sticks out, though everything is screaming,
Leading me toward a place further away.
Have to keep moving, have to keep searching,
Can't let my mind run out of my reach.
Gotta hang on, let it drag me along,
Can't loose it like I have before.
Nothing sticks out, though everything is screaming,
Leading me toward a place further away.
Have to keep moving, have to keep searching,
Can't let my mind run out of my reach.
Gotta hang on, let it drag me along,
Can't loose it like I have before.
I see the scenes in front of me change
Out of my control, but not against my will.
I want a change of scene, I beg to lose control,
Just to step outside myself and let things happen.
I find that when I do
My truest greatness is achieved.
Out of my control, but not against my will.
I want a change of scene, I beg to lose control,
Just to step outside myself and let things happen.
I find that when I do
My truest greatness is achieved.
Time after time, and I respond in kind.
I let the pen ink leak up and down the page
Until the love they make makes music to my soul.
My soul catches the beat and hums a melody along,
Then my heart wakes up, and puts harmony with the song.
Waves of feeling move my being to become better than before,
And support the crumbling walls around my eon-aged soul
The fan above me spins
My head follows suit
Loneliness leaks from the end of my pen.
Weakness envelops my mighty limbs
as my eyes fight the afternoon light.
I can't stand to keep my feet on the ground,
though my face greets it with a slack jaw.
Faint exasperation frees itself
with a few moaned curses
As I lose myself once again... to the darkness...
My head follows suit
Loneliness leaks from the end of my pen.
Weakness envelops my mighty limbs
as my eyes fight the afternoon light.
I can't stand to keep my feet on the ground,
though my face greets it with a slack jaw.
Faint exasperation frees itself
with a few moaned curses
As I lose myself once again... to the darkness...
Hours or days or weeks go by and
I wake to the light I so abruptly left behind.
My mind is cleansed, clearer, no longer lost in the
corner shadow it curled up in to hide,
offended by the sound and light
that the world had to offer.
That world, like the fan, still spins
though my head, still heavy, has bearings once again.
My now weightless eyes look longingly at
the orange orb losing form on the horizon.
I wake to the light I so abruptly left behind.
My mind is cleansed, clearer, no longer lost in the
corner shadow it curled up in to hide,
offended by the sound and light
that the world had to offer.
That world, like the fan, still spins
though my head, still heavy, has bearings once again.
My now weightless eyes look longingly at
the orange orb losing form on the horizon.
---fin-ish
I'll post my 5-part first piece as The Sober Poet ("Introduction") next post. Maybe in 5 minutes or 5 days, but I'll get to it soon. And if you made it to here, thank you for reading my torrid history of emotional barely-stability.
Some of the topics (people) these are about are the same, but many are different.
Some will know, some will think they know.
But I know.
And guess what?
I'll never tell.
Are you watching closely?